“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves”
Viktor Frankle
When I realized Yesterday was still writing my Tomorrow
“I remember the exact moment I realized I was living someone else's future. Not mine. The future of a younger version of me who learned that safety meant staying small, that visibility invited danger, that speaking up brought consequences I was not ready to face.
I was sitting in a leadership meeting, an opportunity right in front of me. A project that matched everything I had been working toward. And I felt my throat close. My mind flooded with every possible way it could go wrong. The budget could collapse. The team could reject my ideas. I could be exposed as someone who did not actually deserve to be in that room. I said nothing. Again.
That night, I sat with the weight of it. This pattern of holding back was not new. It had been with me for years, maybe decades. A protective mechanism born from experiences that taught me the world was not safe for people who took up space. Trauma, I learned, does not just live in the past. It reaches forward, whispering limitations into every present moment, drawing boundaries around futures that have not even happened yet. I was exhausted. Not from working hard, but from working against myself. From always preparing for the worst instead of creating space for something better. From carrying a history that kept me grounded when what I needed was to fly.”
This is where our work together began
When someone sits across from me carrying this kind of weight, I recognize it immediately. Because I have carried it myself. Because I have seen it in so many leaders who come to my practice, exhausted not from their work but from the invisible labor of protecting themselves from shadows that no longer exist.
The work we did together
Alongside the deep healing work this leader was doing with their trauma therapist, was about creating a different kind of space. A space where the past could be honored without being allowed to dictate every future choice. Where old protective patterns could be acknowledged as survival strategies that once served well, but no longer needed to run the show.
We started with naming
Not bypassing, not positive thinking, not pretending the fear was not real. But actually looking at it. These were real experiences that shaped this leader, not character flaws or weaknesses. And they were also not the whole truth of who this person was becoming. Through our coaching conversations and their therapeutic work, they learned to see their past for what it was, to honor it, and then to consciously choose to release its grip on their present.
Then came the practice of separation
Learning to ask: is this threat real, or is this an echo? Most of the time, it was an echo. The danger they were protecting themselves from had already passed. They were just still listening to its sound. Learning to distinguish between a real threat and a trauma response became one of the most powerful tools they developed.
We talked about finding witnesses
People who could see them not as broken, but as someone in the process of remembering their wholeness. People who could hold space for both their past and their possibility. This is not work anyone can do alone.
We practiced small acts of courage together
Not giant leaps. Just tiny moments where they chose differently. Speaking up once in a meeting. Sharing an idea before it was perfected. Letting someone see them stumble. Each small act became evidence that they could survive visibility. That they could choose expansion over contraction. And slowly, they began to rewrite the story they were telling themselves about their future. Not by pretending the past did not happen, but by refusing to let it be the only author.
Today
This leader still encounters moments when the old patterns surface. A challenging situation arises, and for a moment, that familiar pull to retreat shows up. But here is what has changed: they no longer stay stuck there. The work they have done, the acceptance they have found, the letting go they have practiced... it all means they can recognize what is happening and move through it so much faster now. The triggers may come, but they no longer define their choices. They can acknowledge them, breathe through them, and then step forward anyway. Because our past cannot hold our future unless we let it.
In my years of leadership coaching
I have walked alongside so many leaders who carry this same weight. Myself included. We are all, in some way, living with stories that were written in chapters we can no longer change. But here is what I have learned: the moment we stop trying to rewrite the past and start claiming our authority over the future, everything shifts. The freedom that comes when we finally find our own answer, our own path forward, our own way of being in the world without those old scripts running the show... that freedom changes everything. It opens up a future that is no longer predetermined by what once was, but instead shaped by who we are choosing to become. A future we get to explore, define, and live into with our whole hearts.
Frequently asked questions
Cognitive Dissonance: You may struggle with conflicting beliefs about the trauma, making it challenging to reconcile and move past it.
Mental Health Conditions: Conditions like PTSD, anxiety, or depression can exacerbate the difficulty in letting go of traumatic experiences.
- Give yourself time
- Consider seeking professional help and talk about the trauma
- Speak to others that have experienced the same thing as you
- Ask for support
- Avoid spending lots of time alone
- Stick to your routine.
The key is finding ways to release that stored trauma and chronic stress. Practices like somatic experiencing, yoga, and meditation can help regulate the nervous system and promote relaxation. By releasing trauma from the body, we can start to experience greater physical and emotional well-being.
Moving forward together
If this story of recognizing when yesterday keeps writing tomorrow's script resonates with something you observe in your own leadership journey, I would be honored to walk alongside you as your thinking partner. As someone who has learned to notice when old patterns quietly dictate new choices, and as a Master Certified Coach with the International Coaching Federation, I have witnessed how the gentle return of curiosity and authentic presence can transform not just how we show up, but also how we experience our own lives. The path from recognizing these inherited scripts to writing our own is rarely one we navigate alone, and sometimes we need a trusted companion to help us redirect our attention toward what still holds light and to hold space for the gradual dawn of renewed vitality that emerges when we remember why we chose to lead in the first place.
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