“What you focus on grows, what you think about expands, and what you dwell upon determines your destiny”
Robin Sharma
The soft terror of going through the motions
“Monique called it languishing when I finally found the courage to name what I was experiencing. Not depression, exactly. Not burnout, though that felt closer. This was something more subtle, more insidious. Like living underwater while everyone else breathed freely above the surface."
"The mornings were the hardest. That moment when consciousness returned and I remembered I had to do it all again. Get up. Shower. Coffee. Drive. Smile. Lead. Pretend that the fire in my belly still burned when honestly, I could barely find the spark. My team needed me to be present, to be that leader who could see around corners and inspire possibility. But how do you inspire others when your own well of enthusiasm has run dry? How do you foster authentic leadership when you feel like you are performing a role you no longer recognize? I found myself moving through my days like an actor who had forgotten why they fell in love with the craft. The script was familiar, the movements automatic, but the soul of the performance had vanished. My executive presence felt hollow, echoing in rooms where I used to command attention through genuine passion rather than positional power.”
What my coach helped me understand
"When I brought this struggle to my leadership coach, she listened with the kind of presence I had forgotten was possible. She did not offer quick fixes or productivity hacks. Instead, she helped me see that languishing was not a personal failing but a human response to prolonged disconnection from meaning and purpose. "Everything we focus on grows," she said during one of our sessions. "Both in positive or in negative ways." This hit me like a gentle lightning bolt. I had been unconsciously feeding my languishing by focusing on what was missing, what felt empty, what no longer sparked joy. My attention had become a spotlight illuminating every shade of gray in my once-colorful leadership landscape."
The metaphor that changed everything
"Monique asked me to imagine my energy as a garden that had been neglected. Not destroyed, just forgotten. The soil was still rich with potential, but weeds of routine and obligation had crowded out the flowers of curiosity and passion. The path back to vitality was not about ripping everything up and starting over. It was about patient, intentional cultivation.
This reframed everything for me. Languishing was not a permanent state but a signal that something in my inner ecosystem needed tending. As a leader, I had spent years nurturing others' growth while allowing my own garden to become overgrown with the brambles of endless responsibility."
Attention as the most powerful leadership tool
"The breakthrough came when I began to understand attention not as something that happens to me, but as something I actively direct. Where I placed my focus literally shaped my reality as both a human being and as a leader. Instead of starting each day listing what felt heavy, I began noticing what still held even a flicker of light. The young manager who brought fresh perspectives to team meetings. The moment when a complex problem suddenly revealed its elegant solution. The satisfaction of watching someone I had mentored step into their own leadership power. Small shifts in attention created ripple effects I had not anticipated. My team began responding differently to me. Not because I was faking enthusiasm, but because genuine curiosity was slowly returning to my leadership style. I was rediscovering the questions that had once energized me rather than just seeking answers to problems that needed solving."
The gentle return
Recovery from languishing is not dramatic. There are no mountain-top moments or sudden revelations. It is more like watching a sunrise, so gradual you almost miss it happening, until suddenly the world is illuminated again. I am still that same leader with the nice office and the quarterly targets. But now I remember why I chose this path in the first place. Leadership is not about having all the answers or maintaining perfect energy. It is about creating space for others to flourish while staying connected to what makes us genuinely human.”
My key take-away
"The gentle heartache of languishing taught me that even successful leaders need permission to acknowledge when life feels muted. And more importantly, it showed me that where we direct our attention is perhaps the most powerful choice we make each day. What we focus on grows. Today, I choose to grow the light.”
What does it mean when someone is languishing?
Languishing is described as an emotional state of limbo, aimlessness, and low mood, which can last for a long time. But while languishing isn’t itself considered a mental health disorder, it could ultimately lead to anxiety or depression.
What is an example of languishing?
Languishing can manifest as a sense of joylessness. You may find it challenging to experience pleasure or delight in everyday activities that used to bring you happiness. Feeling aimless is a common symptom of languishing. You may sense that you are drifting through life without clear goals or a sense of purpose.
How do you overcome languishing?
Research suggest that mindfulness-based approaches may be the most effective way to combat emotions such as languishing. Mindfulness is a state of moment-to-moment awareness where you experience thoughts and situations without judgment. Mindfulness can help you feel less stressed and more mentally clear.
Is languish an emotion?
While someone who is depressed will often feel intense sadness and loss of hope, the symptoms of languishing aren’t as extreme. Instead of strong emotions, languishing is characterized by that “meh” or “blah” feeling, neither great nor terrible. A person can languish while also being able to function in everyday life.
Moving forward together
If this story of moving from languishing back to vitality resonates with something you recognize in your own leadership journey, I would be honored to walk alongside you as your thinking partner. As a Master Certified Coach with the International Coaching Federation, I have witnessed how the gentle return of curiosity and genuine presence can transform not just how leaders show up, but how they experience their own lives. The path from languishing to flourishing is rarely one we navigate alone, and sometimes we need a trusted companion to help us redirect our attention toward what still holds light and to hold space for the gradual dawn of renewed vitality that emerges when we remember why we chose to lead in the first place.
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